“Community without care is just socializing”

The Social Studyz newsletter is a mix of weekly tools, updates on how we're navigating the in-between, and the occasional peek behind the curtain as we build this in real-time.

Spiraling thoughts are the ones we think on repeat, or that send us straight down a rabbit hole at 3am. Each week, one of us shares, so we can all normalize the spiral instead of pretending we're not having one. Have a spiraling thought you’d like to share? We’d love to feature it.

🚨🚨In-betweener share 🚨🚨

I am a performer, and in many ways (perhaps TOO many ways?), my identity and self-worth are inextricably tied to my performance. My spiraling thoughts stem from a fear of rejection and a feeling that I need to earn others' respect. Ironically, as a performer, my risk of getting rejected is higher! Sometimes the fear motivates me to prepare more so I don't get fired (which is ofc helpful). Sometimes it prevents me from being more creative. But as long as I don't spiral too much, I'm groovy!

On a good day, the thought is, "If I don't perform well, then I won't get hired." So I counteract it with: "If I do prepare well, I will."

On a bad day, it goes deeper, “I won’t get hired, and people won’t respect me.” So I obsess over the respect part, practice, and over-prepare, and that actually creates its own problems, like keeping me from being creative.

asking for a friend

Before events, we're introducing the people we're building them with. This week, we're in good company with Taylor Paez.

Almost 10 years ago, Taylor had a stable job, a solid community, and the kind of comfortable life that starts to feel suspicious. What was missing turned out to be the outdoors. So after a few conversations with friends and family, they packed up a 2002 Ford Ranger and started a Big Year: a birder's challenge to see as many species as possible in one calendar year. Final count: 643 species across 44 states.

Since then, they've joined the board of Pasadena Audubon, volunteered with its bird science and outreach programs, and started the Los Angeles chapter of the Feminist Bird Club. On the 10th, they are leading our bird walk.

How did you get into birding? And what has it taught you about being around other people?

I blame my dad! When I was about 12, he was studying for his arborist exam, and I helped by quizzing him at botanical gardens like the LA Arboretum and Descanso Gardens. This taught me from a young age that learning the names of things is a cool skill to have. Years later, when I was at Pasadena City College trying to figure out what to do with my life, I was mesmerized by a flock of wild birds. I had to find out what they were, so I dove head first into a bird identification book (The Sibley Guide to Birds, still have that same copy) and it was all downhill from there.

I did a lot of my birding alone when I was younger. I started when I was 18 and did not fit in with the traditional Audubon crowd. Starting the Los Angeles chapter of the Feminist Bird Club, now celebrating five years, has taught me so much: about LA County, about community, about letting things unfold in their own beautiful way, and about being okay with being wrong in public (the horror!). But I've also learned that one of the most amazing things about being human is our ability to find joy in the existence of other living beings, and sharing that joy with another gives me profound hope in a time of immense change. 

What's a fun thing you've been doing on purpose lately?

No Lights No Lycra is a dance event Tuesday evenings in Atwater Village (restarting in 2027). You basically go into a dimly lit dance studio, grab a spot and stretch. They dim the lights so you can't really see except for general shapes. You have plenty of space to move about, and you dance for an hour. They play mostly pop and dance hits and it's a great way to let loose in a safe, non-judgemental environment. I typically leave without talking to anyone as the anonymity is a part of the appeal for me!

What's one spot in LA you'd send a friend to?

I'm going to use this opportunity to shout out my hometown, Monrovia, located in the San Gabriel Valley! I'd take them to Monrovia Canyon Park for an easy 0.75 mile hike to a little waterfall. We'd smell the bay laurel leaves and look for frogs in the stream – hopefully we'd even see a black bear! 

Let's also assume this is a Friday, so after we'd go to the Friday night street fair on Myrtle. We'd do some people watching, visit the petting zoo, and get some fresh produce. We'd finish the day by going to Seoul Alley for Korean chicken wings and mystery soju shots (ask for the "dice game").

What's something that makes a place feel like a community to you?

The phrase "community without care is just socializing" is something I think about often. It's not that socializing is bad -- it's great and healthy! But I think the separation between the two, when we move someone to the periphery of our circle to the inside of it, is the care aspect. It's remembering someone's birthday, or something they talked about last time they saw you and following up on it. Checking in. Offering resources to make someone's life just a little bit easier, and also knowing you can ask for help when you need it. Just that little extra reach is the thing that makes me feel really held by community, and what I try to offer in return to others.

Grab a spot

🗓️Saturday, October 10, 9:00am - Winging It: A Bird Walk
🗓️Saturday, October 24, 4:00pm - The Great (TJ’s) Pumpkin Tasting