The Social Studyz newsletter is a mix of question starters for building community, how I’m practicing it myself, and the occasional update on how I'm building this all in real time.
Hi In-Betweeners,
Join me this week as I navigate damp heat, both inside myself, and outside in my community.
🌀 What I'm spiraling out about this week
Including rabbit hole thoughts for the friend group
A couple weeks ago, after returning from a particularly life-giving bachelorette trip to (viva!) Las Vegas, I noticed a rash situation on my arms, my period was several days late, and I was feeling extremely lethargic. After spending the morning reassuring myself that I was fine, I saw my good friend / acupuncturist, who informed me I was battling "damp heat", i.e. NOT FINE! Similar to mud yucking up a river, my damp heat was yucking up my body. How did this happen? And how was this happening to me in the middle of summer? And because I had both too much moisture and heat in my body, being outside in the heat and drinking alcohol were making it all worse.
I had a lake week planned, and was spiraling – should I risk it all and both drink and tan? Should I stay inside and live like Gollum? Should we just cancel the trip? I ended up drinking and tanning pretty much every day, which spread the rash across my entire body, and perpetually made me worry that I was giving myself premature skin and liver issues. Yet I was at the lake with one of my best friends, and felt ready and willing to accept the consequences of my decisions.
💬 A question starter for the group chat
Low-risk, interesting questions to ask, to get to know our friends, lovers, family members, and acquaintances more intimatel
As we're in the heat of summer, now is a good time to check in with our friends and family to better understand (and perhaps contribute to) their hopes and dreams for the season.
What items are on people's summer bucket lists? This could be a feeling, an actual to-do, or a goal. When asking the question, try to get as specific as possible. We want to know what they're interested in, and what they hope for themselves.
📊 You said
Sharing final results for the in-betweens you're navigating right now. A reminder to keep checking in with the people around you — we're all in some kind of transition.
45% are experiencing a life stage shift
27% are experiencing a career shift or pivot
27% are experiencing MULTIPLE in-betweens
1% are still figuring out how to phrase their in-between
No one is experiencing a break up or graduation
🛠️ How I'm building community this week
Events, thoughts, and happenings on my quest to continue building my community
This last week, I had the privilege of catching up with friends from different chapters of my life — a maternity shoot, lake life, live music, and a healthy amount of shots and skinny dipping.
Seeing everyone in such different life stages surfaced something I've recently found myself grappling with: judgment around life choices. Why hadn't this friend left the job they hated? Why hadn't that one traveled, or finally started the hobby they used to talk about
Turns out the damp heat wasn't just in my body. All that old affection for the 20-year-old version of my friends, mixed with my own anxiety about where my life had landed, was its own kind of mud in the river — hard to see anyone clearly through it, including myself. I was should'ing myself. In my mid-30s, is this where I'm supposed to be? Am I behind? Am I living up to my potential
And I was foolishly projecting those fears onto my friends. Once I recognized my own ego in it, I let the judgment go — and was able to see my friends for who they actually are now. Most of them, it turns out, are in a similar boat: satisfied with their lives, while also quietly wondering if they're living by the rules of "success" we've all been told we need to follow.
I started teaching right after college; there's no version of that life that would make me happy today. I was always interested in travel, but thought I would do it later in life. Then, three years ago, I took a three-month trip through Southeast Asia that became one of the most impactful experiences of my life. We've all changed since 20. That's not a problem to solve. That's just what growing up looks like.
I've made a promise to myself to let go of the should'ing — the thing that kept me holding onto old versions of my friends, of myself, of expectations that stopped serving us a long time ago. In its place: presence, curiosity, and honesty. Am I making choices that actually feel like mine? And how do we stay curious with each other, and with ourselves, while we're all still mid-figure-out?
🌟 Come sit with us
Our first round of gatherings - co-creating and testing one spot at a time
As a reminder, I need your help to start testing in-person experiences. We're in the pilot phase, and these first gatherings are co-creations, built by us, together, one at a time. Every gathering right now is discounted while we test. The sooner you grab a spot, the sooner we actually start building this.
And because each gathering is shaped by the in-betweeners who show up to it, no two will ever feel quite the same.
For an overview of what the experiences will look like, you can read the post here.
Grab a spot
🗓️Saturday, Aug 1— Before it was LA: A Morning at Kuruvungna Village Springs
🗓️Saturday, Aug 8 — A Total (Solar) Eclipse + Sound Journey
🗓️Sunday, Aug 16— An Afternoon at Sake School: Pour One Out for Small Talk
Looking forward to meeting you in the soupy middle,
Lauren