The Social Studyz newsletter is a mix off weekly tools, updates on how we're navigating the in-between, and the occasional peek behind the curtain as we build this in real-time.
Hi in-betweener,
This week: a mirror moment nobody warned us about, a reframe on fighting that's messing with a few of our conversations, and two ways to spend an October Saturday with us.
🌀 what we’re spiraling out about this week
Spiraling thoughts are the ones we think on repeat, or that send us straight down a rabbit hole at 3am. Each week, one of us shares, so we can all normalize the spiral instead of pretending we're not having one.
🚨🚨In-betweener share 🚨🚨
who is that?
I can see myself in the mirror when I take a shower. Am I taller? I can’t quite put my finger on it. A few minutes go by and I glance over again. Maybe I don’t look all that different? I’m working out and feel good about that. I can see myself getting stronger, getting more toned. But still, something feels off.
I had a baby almost a year ago. A friend may look at me and say, “Wow you can’t even tell.” And I think that’s partly true. Yet, I haven’t gotten past that feeling I get seeing myself in the mirror.
My cure for this? I got Invisalign!! Why torture myself with the need to brush and floss 500 times a day when I’m also breastfeeding, pumping, working full time, and can’t afford a house cleaner?
Well, a super straight pearly white smile might just offset what I’ve come to realize is the difference that’s been bugging me so much— super saggy boobs. Nothing a good bra and Invisalign can’t fix. And no, this isn’t an Invisalign ad.
Facing into this version of ourselves
had a "wait, who is that" mirror moment lately?
🧮 the connection equation
A tip or practice we’ve tried in our quest to build community — broken down for you to steal.
I’ve been a long-time fan of Priya Parker. In 2020, shortly after her first book, The Art of Gathering, was published, I heard an interview where she called herself a gatherer. That was the first time I realized facilitating for people was an actual skill, and something I could build a community around. In many ways, The Art of Gathering planted the seed for Social Studyz.
This month, she released her second book, The Art of Fighting. I went to her book launch feeling like I had this in the bag. After years of therapy, I'd call myself a decent fighter — I know and 🍑 EMBODY 🍑the terms: emotional self-regulation, naming a boundary, asking for what I need without going nuclear. I still have to fight the urge to flip someone off and never speak to them again, but we’re talking about the journey here.
Groups can’t sustain without love, and they can’t sustain without conflict. In other words, healthy community
needs healthy conflict.
I've always seen conflict as an inconvenient truth of being in community — the tax we pay. Necessary, uncomfortable, and honestly, we'd rather not. But Priya Parker provides a reframe. That tax isn't the fee for admission to community, the taxes are what fund it. Every time we fight well, we're not getting past something to reach connection. We're building it. How we fight — our norms, our repair, what we let ourselves say and not say — is as essential to how we're together as when we are gathering.
That reframe is doing something to a few conversations I've been putting off. Instead of "oh gosh, here I go again, spouting off how I feel," I'm trying, "I am really committed to this relationship and I want us to be closer. I want us to belong to each other."
How would a conversation you’ve been avoiding, change if it felt like building towards or for the relationship, rather than feeling like you have to risk it all?
🌟 come sit with us
Grab a tray, we'll catch you up. Sharing what's new, what's coming, and what you get for being at the table. All the good gossip lives here.
Hard launching our October events. Two ways in this month - a guided birding walk or a TJ’s pumpkin food pairing. Pick your soupy middle activity of choice.
🐦 Winging It: A Bird Walk — a guided morning bird walk, binoculars provided, led by Taylor Paez who’s identified 643 species and once lived out of a truck to do it.
🎃 🍷The Great (TJ’s) Pumpkin Tasting — a wine and pumpkin food tasting with an official ballot, because ranking pumpkin bisque against pumpkin tamales is a better use of your debating skills than whatever you’re gearing up for at Thanksgiving dinner.
Grab a spot
🗓️ Saturday, October 10, 9:00am - Winging It: A Bird Walk
🗓️ Saturday, October 24, 4:00pm - The Great (TJ’s) Pumpkin Tasting
Looking forward to meeting you in the soupy middle,
Lauren